Dolore Nimio
by dame egocentrique
Summary: "I am a pure-blood. But why do I feel like I'm the filthiest and lowest of all?" There was just much too pain involved. Draco Malfoy realizes the greatest mistake of his life.


**title.** Dolore Nimio

**summary.** _"I am a pure-blood. But why do I feel like I'm the filthiest and lowest of all?"_ There was just much too pain involved. Draco Malfoy realizes the greatest mistake of his life.

**disclaimer.** J. K Rowling owns the Harry Potter universe.

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><p><em>"The only antidote to emotional suffering is physical pain."<em>

- Karl Marx

"Leave me alone!" she yelled and screamed as another contraction hit her. She gripped the chair beside her tightly, gritting her teeth as wave after wave of pain washed over her body. Draco made a move towards her again, concern now etched deeply in his face.

"NOW!" she shouted at him. She hoped with all her might that he had gotten the message now. Why was he still here? What the fuck did he mean by doing that? She should've known that he had a fetish for pain, especially a Granger type of pain. Or maybe a Mudblood type of pain. He had watched her in pain an alarming number of times now, and he was doing it again.

Another wave of pain crashed through her. It was so agonizing that she let out a yell at first, and then sobbed. She could feel the blood dripping between her thighs unto the floor. Her knees jerked and she slowly sat up, clutching her stomach for all the life that was still left in her.

_"Hermione…"_ a familiar voice said overhead. She did not dare look. How dare he do this to her? After everything… After every fucking tear she poured out in the past, after every plea she made just for him to come back, after every heartbreak she went through just for him, for him alone, he still had the guts to confuse her? She knew that it was him kneeling in front of her; the silvery blond hair was not hard to miss… even though everything was blurry and black.

_Why, Draco Malfoy, why?_ she silently wailed inside her mind.

She was sobbing hard when strong and calloused hands wrapped around her elbows. A strong wave of anger washed through her and she pushed those hands away violently, disgust and hurt squirming in her stomach.

She could hear his ragged breathing amidst the screams in her mind. She could feel the concern and fear emanating from him… but of course she didn't care.

"Go away…" she heard a small voice tell him. Surprised, she found out that the voice was hers.

"Call Harry… Ron… St. Mungo's…" she trailed off as a feeling of lethargy spread over her.

Hermione Granger lost consciousness at that moment.

~oOo~

**Four months later…**

She stared down at her baby and smiled.

A flash tore her from her reverie and she looked in front, startled. Harry put down the camera and grinned at her. She smiled back, warmth spreading in her body.

It was indeed a very beautiful day.

When she pulled Sofia to her lap, a couple occupying the table nearby caught her eye. One of the couple, a pale man with a pointed chin, had silvery blond hair that reflected the light, and she had to cover her eyes from the glare.

The man moved and she dropped her hand slowly. She looked at the man carefully. It was Draco Malfoy. He had a woman with him, dark-haired and slender. She furrowed her brows at the sight. Well, Malfoy did grow up. He wasn't as scrawny as before, but still pointed as ever.

Harry followed her gaze and furrowed his brows. Hermione saw his face at the corner of her eye and glanced at him, giving him a curious look.

Before anyone of them could say anything, a familiar voice called out to them.

"Oi! Harry! Hermione!" Ron approached them, beaming at them with his red hair catching the sun. Hermione beamed back. Ron walked to them and pinched Sofia's cheek softly. "How's my favourite niece?" he cooed at the baby girl, earning a giggle from the baby. He continued cooing as people around them stared at him. Hermione beamed at the sight while bouncing Sofia on her leg.

"Oi, don't let Lily hear that. She's inherited Ginny's marvellous temper." Harry winked at Hermione. They both laughed. Ron's ears were red, but he didn't mind. Without looking at them, he continued cooing at the baby, taking her hands in his and waving them in the air playfully.

"That's why we'll keep it a secret, won't we, Fia? Hmm? Hmm?" he fussed and blew raspberries on the baby's cheek.

Hermione looked at Harry and he rolled his eyes. She chuckled and watched Ron as the other patrons of the restaurant smiled at the cosy sight.

But across them, a silvery blond-haired man scowled at the sight. The beautiful woman across him sighed. "Why don't you try the pudding, dear?" she coaxed him, pushing the plate towards his hand a little.

He ignored her and continued to scowl at the trio who were busy grinning and laughing at the fool Ronald Weasley was making himself to be.

Hermione caught the expression on Malfoy's face and her brows furrowed again. "Say, Harry, why is Malfoy scowling at us like we took his favourite sweet?" she said to Harry.

Harry froze visibly. Ron heard her question and slightly did too, but went back to cooing at Sofia. Hermione was busy mixing her tea and did not see her best friends' reactions.

"Well, he hasn't stopped being a git, right?" Harry answered warily. Hermione looked up at him, noting the stiff way he sat in his seat. Harry smiled at her, albeit nervously. The bespectacled man hoped that she didn't notice the nervousness he felt.

She just shrugged and reverted her attentions back to her baby. "Maybe it's because he doesn't have a baby as beautiful as my Sofia." Hermione said with a smile and kissed her baby's head. She bounced Sofia on her leg again, humming a song in the baby's ear and earning another round of giggles.

The beautiful, curly-haired woman was oblivious to the two men in front of her noticeably freezing, as well as the man across her paling.

~oOo~

Watching the scene across from him hurt like hell. There was the undeniable usual clenching of his stomach and his heart and the rush of blood to his head. He gripped his tea cup tightly. The woman across the table, Astoria Greengrass, his fiancée, winced when she saw the pale colour his knuckles were turning into as it held the cup in a death grip.

He looked away as horrible tears blurred his eyes. He stopped the tears from falling, and himself from crying. It took a lot of will and concentration to compose himself from his near-breakdown.

As he took deep breaths and controlled himself, he heard her sweet, melodious laugh.

It was enough to nearly send him to another breakdown.

But Malfoys didn't break down. Especially in public. That knowledge irked him, and the self-hatred he felt came back with a roar. Merlin, how much he hated himself. He had hated himself for the past year now. Waking up every day and seeing his face in the mirror reminded him of that fact. He hated being a coward, hated being a Malfoy.

Of all the people to lucky enough to have met Hermione Granger, to fall in love with her and to feel her love in return, Draco Malfoy felt that he was the most undeserving and dirtiest of all.

It was a question that always haunted him these days. He had already changed his ways, not even believing in the pureblood supremacy rubbish that his parents taught him since birth… all because of her. In the span of their relationship, Draco never felt so dirty being the way he was. His being a pureblood didn't matter to her, as her being a Muggle-born didn't bother him. It was a silent fact, something they didn't touch on anymore. But in these past few months, the pride that Draco once felt in the past for being a pureblood and the indifference that he felt when Voldemort was ruined and he and Hermione were together was gone in an instant. It was sucked into a vacuum of self-hate that intensified greatly as he asked himself most of the time (and might have screamed at his ancestors, given the chance), _"I am a pureblood. But why do I feel like I'm the filthiest and lowest of all?"_

He didn't miss the curious glances that the brunette witch was sending his way. He was perplexed inwardly, wondering at her actions. For all he knew, she didn't even want to see him. She had fought for sole custody of the child, _his_ child, and kept him away from her and her baby. He had found out from Potter that she decided to name _his_ daughter Sofia. He found himself smiling at the information once he was alone. A fitting name for such a beautiful baby.

~oOo~

He was there after she gave birth and was unconscious. Potter was the one who let him in the room, watching him with wary eyes as he approached the sole bed in the room. His heart clenched at the sight of her solemn, pretty face sleeping and her hair spread out on the pillows. He remembered asking himself again what had happened that this beautiful sight did not belong to him anymore, that he wasn't allowed to call it his anymore, that he wasn't allowed to even touch her or hold her like he had loved doing in the past, that he could not keep it and nurture it like he had always wanted to do back then.

He remembered the answer to that question. _Well, Malfoy_, a mocking voice that suspiciously sounded like Snape in his head told him, _you lost it. It was your bloody fault, remember?_

He remembered the warm trail of tears on his cheeks as he reached out and brushed a lock of hair from her closed eyes. More tears poured out as he brushed her cheeks.

That was where Draco Malfoy realized that he loved Hermione Granger so much and for so long that it crushed his heart to pulp as he felt the powerful emotion sweeping through him.

It was when you realized how much you lost after letting everything slip through your hands and finding out that you could never have it again, ever. A thousand memories hit him all of a sudden while he watched her. Calling her a Mudblood back in their second year, the smile on her face during the Yule Ball, meeting her for the first time after the war, their first date, the feeling of her body underneath him, the sound of her voice, the warm smile on her face, the overflowing love that filled her eyes, snogging her senseless by the fireplace, creeping away from her before she woke up, the tears on her eyes when he broke up with her, the heart-breaking sobs she let out when she told him the news of her… of her pregnancy, and the cruel words he said to her… It felt so right at the start but then everything went downhill. Four years after his assassination attempt on Dumbledore at the Astronomy Tower, Draco Malfoy had messed up again.

He had nearly lost his life in the past, but right now felt different. He could feel his life slipping through his fingers and disappearing into thin air. He mentally shook his head. No. It was already gone on the fall of the first tear from Hermione's eyes.

"Mr. Malfoy?"

He turned around, pinning the anxious Healer, who was standing by the door, with a pointed glare for disturbing his reminiscing. But then, he noticed the bundle in the Healer's arms and he felt his breath hitch up.

"Mi-Mister Harry Potter told me that you w-would like to see her" the Healer asked him nervously. As if in a daze, Draco felt himself nod, not taking his eyes away from the Healer's arms. The Healer walked slowly across the room; his eyes flitting from the blond wizard to the slumbering brunette witch. Draco realized why the Healer was trying to walk stealthily towards him and a nerve attack hit him suddenly when the thought of Hermione waking up and screaming at him crossed his mind. But fortunately, the woman continued in her deep slumber, and Malfoy breathed a sigh of relief.

The Healer stopped at a good distance from Draco. She gingerly moved the bundle as if to hold it out to Draco, and for a split second he felt scared. He wasn't sure how to hold the baby, his baby. But instinct took over, and he held out his arms and carried the baby the way he saw the women do it. He cradled his baby in his arms and looked carefully at her features.

An inaudible gasp left his lips. He was looking down at the… the second most beautiful face he had ever seen. She looked mostly like Hermione, thankfully. The baby didn't have his pointed features and all, but she had his pale skin. Her lips looked like his, and the eyebrow were certainly Malfoy too. Her hair was brown, like her mother's, fortunately.

Hermione Granger gave him the most beautiful daughter a man could ever have.

He remembered how a smile broke out in his face and the tears that poured out after. Then the angel in his arms opened her eyes and he felt his breath leave him.

Merlin, she had his eyes. They were pale grey and had the most innocent look of any pale grey-eyed Malfoy he could recall. His heart felt like bursting at the sight. A protective feeling swept all over his body, his paternal instincts coming to action. He found himself vowing to protect her at all costs and make her feel his love for the rest of his life.

But reality crashed on his shoulders. No. The beautiful baby girl in his arms wasn't supposed to be in his arms again for the next hundred years, let alone be called his daughter. As he had made sure in the past few months when she was still in her mother's womb.

He had left St. Mungo's feeling the emptiest he had ever felt in his entire life.

~oOo~

In the present, he felt another twinge of pain in his chest when he caught her sending him one of those curious looks again. She suddenly looked away, her cheeks flushing a lovely pink. Another pang reverberated in his chest. He felt his curiosity peak at her actions. Why was she looking at him like that? Wasn't she supposed to… Malfoy had half-expected her to suddenly jump up and point her wand at his throat the moment he walked in.

But she had not done that. And she proceeded to keep looking at him like he was a... a…

He gulped as a frightening thought crossed his mind. Could she be-?

Sensing his lingering eyes on her, she looked at him again, albeit shyly. And then…

She smiled innocently.

Time stood still. He felt his heart drop into his stomach. A roaring pain engulfed his chest. The truth dropped its steel bricks on his shoulders. A spell he learned from his spellbooks back when he was still in Hogwarts, _Obliviate_, coursed through his mind.

She has forgotten.

Draco Malfoy's fears had come true.

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><p><em>"Dolore Nimio" means excessive pain in Latin (or so Google Translate says).<em>


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